Who we are VS. Who we think we are

Tim Keller’s “Reason for God” says that faith or religion determines who we think we are, what life is about, and what we spend our lives doing.

Faith doesn’t just float in time/space for itself. It changes our lives and affects how we live.

Our views of what is right depends on what we believe.

Our BELIEFS shape our ACTIONS.

When our beliefs change, our actions change.

Every person believes in something. Even if it’s doubt.

Believing something and wanting to believe something are not the same thing. And until our beliefs change – our actions will not.

Motivation. I used to think knowing motivation of a person was the core of good acting & direcing.

But I wonder. Maybe it’s what we believe. What we believe is the core of who we are. And what we believe is true shapes our motivations, which shapes our actions.

In directing “Bi=Racial”, I’ve concluded that the main character, Adrienne, doesn’t want her or her bi-racial children to judged by society on appearance. And she doesn’t want people’s opinions to bother her – but they do. And some people do judge based on race – and some times we think people judge based on race. Either way, doesn’t make it’s right or true. But until our beliefs change, our actions will not. Adrienne’s journey is to find security in something else other than people’s opinion of herself. This is Adrienne’s story.

We all have insecurities about our identity – whether ethnicity, height, weight, personality, etc. But until we find something true to ground our beliefs in, we will continue to be insecure in our identity.

Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

Who we are hasn’t changed.

But who we think  changes.

The human journey is to match WHO WE ARE with WHO WE THINK WE ARE.

As as a child of God, my identity is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

A Human Dilemma

Creativity meets organization.

Art meets logic.

You need to have both.

Artistic satisfaction in a meeting of both.

Realization of perfect harmony.

When you do what you love, and it comes to fruition, it’s the best self-expressive satisfaction.

Solving a story.

Understanding why people do the things they do.

Gathering information.

Finding perfect order in a coordinated simultaneous movement.

These are things I love.

Certainly, this is what God feels.

Explosions of self-expression.

Directing a play is like a reading a novel. You’re getting to know the characters, slowly more and more with every page. You know there’s something wrong, but you don’t know why. And each page unravels a new piece of information, a new part of their story, a new understanding to who they are and why they are the way they are.

Maybe we feel like we don’t know who we are, because we don’t have to time to write, to think, to feel. Our society CUTS out time for thinking…

Why think when your iphone can think for you?

Why try to understand your best friend is mad at you when you can flip on to watch someone else’s life story?

Why write about your feelings when you can shop your thoughts away?

Essential storytelling skill: knowing and understanding how other people feel and why they feel. (Compassion and connectedness. Art and logic).

Emotion is at the heart of theater. And the more complicated the emotion, the more interesting it is to watch.

Good theater is only a good reflection of life.

Because there’s always a reason.

You might not understand the reason (or know the reason).

But because we’re human.

That’s the dilemma. We don’t know everything.

But good directors can/will deduce the reasons. (Good directors would make good counselors).

And sometimes you have to trace backwards. Sometimes you have to work back from the ending to the beginning. Trace back the action. Finding the trail of the domino pieces.

And that magical moment when you trace the invisible trail marked by words, actions, and emotion ot the reason.

There. The core of the person.

Usually deeper than the hurt & pain.

There’s a core of truth.

Who you are.

The strongest part of you.

The indestructible part of you.

The part that will exist forever.

The strongest vibration.

The slowest vibration.

The place no one else can reach. (Even if sometimes you’re afraid they will).

The part that enables all the hurt/pain of the world to dissolve.

You find the inner voice.

The voice of truth.

The New City

• My identity is not in my job description.My identity is not in the money I make.My identity is not in the satisfaction I get from my job.

  My identity is not in the fear of what people think I should do, should not do, or who I should be.

  My identity is not even who I work with. (But I need the people I work with to do the work I’m called to do.)

  My identity is Christ.

  Christ is restoring.

  He is redeeming.

  I am His work.

  He is redeeming his work.

  He is redeeming me.

  He is redeeming my work.

  My work is not for myself.

  My work is for others. My work is for Christ.

  Love must be displayed in my work.

  God’s love should be evident in my work.

  God calls. I follow.

  Father, Son, Spirit

  God plans. Christ unifies. The Spirit connects. I offer my hands to build.

  The new city is coming.

  The new city. (rev 21)

  The dwelling place of God is with man.

  He will dwell with them, and they will be his people.

  And God himself will be with them as their God.

  He will wipe away every tear from their eyes.

  And death shall be no more

  Neither shall there be mourning

  Nor crying

  Nor pain

  Anymore

  And He who was seated on the throne said.

  “Behold I am making all things new.”

  Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

  And he said to me “It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment. The one who conquers will have this heritage, and I will be his God, and he will be my son.”

  My hope is in the new city. My hope is in being adopted to the family of the Father, Son, and Spirit. My mind, body, and spirit longs to be redeemed.

  One day. One day, Jesus will return.

  And he will make all things new.

  And I will be his.

  And he will be mine.

Jeremiah 31

the weight of my sin. nearly more than i could bear.

trying to bear it myself brought me to the shadow of the valley of death.

but Christ held my hand as i passed through.

God graciously withheld the full force of my sin. i felt the weight of one sin.

Christ felt the weight of sin of the whole world.

as I came to drink of the cup of God’s wrath, I found nothing.

not. one. drop.

Christ drank the cup of the wrath of God.

There is only love left for me.

no condemnation.

only love.

Jeremiah 31

vs. 3 i have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore i have continued my faithfulness to you

vs. 5 again you shall plant vineyards on the mountains of samaria; the planters shall plant and shall enjoy the fruit

vs. 11 for the LORD has ransomed jacob and has redeemed him from hands too strong for him

vs. 13 i will turn their mourning into joy

i will comfort them and give them gladness for sorrow

i will feast the soul of priests with abundance

and my people shall be satisfied with my goodness,

declares the Lord

vs. 17 there is hope for your future

vs. 18 you have disciplined me, and i was disciplined…bring me back that i may be restored, for you are the LORD my God.

I will surely have mercy on him, says the Lord.

vs. 33 I will be their God, and they shall be my people.

Jesus Christ is LORD

rom 8:26

likewise the Spirit helps us in our weaknesses.

for we do not know what to pray for as we ought,

but the Spirit HIMSELF intercedes for us with groanings

too deep for words.

 

17

provided we suffer with him in order

that we may also be glorified with him.

 

11

if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells IN you,

he who raised  Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life

to your mortal bodies

through his Spirit who dwells in you

 

18

for i consider that the sufferings of this PRESENT time

are. not. worth. comparing.

with the GLORY that is to be revealed to us.

 

phil 2

so if there is any encouragment in Christ,

any comfort from love

any affection and sympathy

complete MY joy by being of the

same mind

same love

full accord

one mind

….but he made himself NOTHING

taking the form of a servant

he. humbled. himself.

to the point of …………………………………..death

even on a

 

cross

 

so that at the name of JESUS

every knee should BOW

every tongue CONFESS

“Jesus Christ is LORD”

Empty my Hands

I’ve got voices in my head and they are so strong
And I’m getting sick of this, oh Lord, how long
Will I be HAUNTED by the fear that I believe
My hands like locks on cages
Of these dreams I CAN’T SET FREE

But if I let these dreams DIE
If I lay down all my wounded pride
If I let these dreams die
Will I find that letting go lets me come ALIVE

So EMPTY my hands
FILL up my heart
CAPTURE my mind with You

These voices in speak instead and what’s RIGHT is WRONG
And I’m giving into them, please Lord, how long
Will I be held captive by the lies that I believe
My heart’s in CONSTANT CHAOS and it keeps me so deceived

But if I let these dreams die
If I could just lay down my dark desire
If I let these dreams die
Will I find you brought me back to life

 

With YOU, withYou…..
I need You…… I need you MY Lord
With You, with You
I need you…… NOW Lord

 

Greater Love

Can one person really make a difference?

Maybe not.

Sharing my life story, thoughts, feelings – openly, honestly. With some friends, and with some strangers.

It doesn’t really make any sense.

But God uses my greatest fears, turns them on their head, and leaves me amazed that He uses broken people to accomplish His perfect, orderly work.

Just lay down your life. It will look different for each of us. But love by choosing to do the hardest thing for yourself, but the most helpful, loving thing for others.

 greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. (john 15:13)

 by this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. (john 13:35)

Intersecting Stories

Lives intersecting lives. Stories meeting stories.

A outside perspective that I would never think of is spoken into my life to offer understanding and hope to my fears and doubts.

It’s like I can only get far with my own thoughts. I feel like I hit these roadblocks in my mind, trying to find the answers to these pressing questions.

But it seems that I should have it all figured out before I share my thoughts with people.

But I don’t.

Little did I know – I need someone else’s story to figure out the questions I have in my own mind.

When I understand someone else’s story, and I relate, I see God’s grace in their story. I see clearly that God will work out their fears/doubts/questions. It’s seems so obvious to me – looking at someone else. But when I look at my own story, I only see fear & doubt. The same way I watch a movie or play, and I kind of like to think I know the ending from the beginning.

As I enter someone’s life/story, and they enter mine, we bring fears out of the darkness into the light – in love, casting out the fear & doubt (seen in perspective of another fellow doubter).

In all that, I think we all have more in common than we realize. We carry more anxiety than we need to. We can share that pit of distress hidden in the depths of our being. We don’t have to let it burrow further and further down. We can release it – be free from the terrifying grip of our insecurities.

I mean, don’t we share some of the same fears (and they’re kind of illogial):

- I will be alone

- I will not know what decision to make

- I will sin

- I will stagnate

- I will turn away from God

- I will be far from love

- I will not be able to love

- I will get hurt

I find all my needs met in him. I fear & doubt when I take my eyes off him. I feel like Peter sinking into the water. But put my eyes on Jesus. He will take my right hand and pull me up out of the water to himself.

My fear & doubt won’t solve my problems of tomorrow. In fact, they won’t solve my problems today either. They’ll just rob me of my joy today. They will only make me unstable. But they have no power over me with my eyes on Jesus.

He will never leave me.

He will always love me.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding (prov. 3:5). I might look down and see some raging waters, but I just need to trust God – and look up in Jesus’ eyes, and believe and trust he’s got my hand and he won’t let go.

Christ is my redeeming love. I will run to him and tell him all my fears. And he will be my peace.

Just Don’t Give Up.

I watched Bridesmaids tonight with my best friend Michelle Crafton.

It’s h.i.l.a.r.i.o.u.s.

Lessons I learned from watching the movie:

Fight for what you love.

Don’t give up even when you feel that you’ve screwed it all up.

You probably have screwed it up.

But if it’s good – it’s worth fighting for.

(you’ll laugh and cry along the way)

Just don’t give up.

No Conflict, No Story

Conflict

As a director, I think of conflict academically in terms one person’s objective countered by another person’s opposing objective or circumstances.

I analyze a character in a play based on his desire or passion. The stronger the desire, the more aggressive the action to get what you want.

I’ve always heard, without conflict, there is no story.

So, I’ve been thinking about the great story of creation, fall, redemption.

…. God perfectly, precisely crafts the world (people, animals, land, etc)

…. the fall brought about sin & suffering into the world, distorting the perfect order/pattern God made

…. God redeeming his people for His glory through Christ’s death

So sometimes it seems as if I think of brokenness as this great injustice forced on us. But God is sovereign in all. So, He must have planned this. He must have known about the suffering, pain, and hurt. Somehow it was part of His plan.

Rom 8:20 “the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it”

But I don’t understand. What about conflict is necessary?

Why suffering and beauty?

Why hate and love?

Why darkness and light?

(One of my favorite albums is Tenth Avenue North’s The Light Meets the Dark. listen to it if you haven’t already!)

rabbit trail, sorry!

Well, I Cor. 13 talks about love -

Love is patient and kind.

Then there are like 8 other “love does not’s”. Well, 9 if you include “love never fails.”

I mean, isn’t it interesting that most of the description is what love is not?

I mean, God didn’t have to plan a broken, screwed up world, but He did. And then He allows humankind to rebel, and He writes this beautiful Word that spells out how to heal our brokenness through His Son. He shows us what loves looks like. Well, and what love does not look like.

But maybe – just maybe – we need to see the contrast of suffering and love to really appreciate the fulness of its beauty.

If I know and experience the depths of sorrow and pain, love will be so beautiful and precious I will never want to let it go.

And Christ experienced the fulness of God’s wrath.

the beautiful, loving, loveable, spotless Lamb experienced excruciating pain and loss – for the price of my heart.

so that I would be free

so that I can experience some of his suffering now

but with the hope of his beautiful love forever

But Christ still bears the scars of his pain.

He comes to see Thomas after his resurrection.

His hands still have the scars of nails driven through. His side has the gash from the sword.

His disciples only recognize him by his scars.

beautiful wounds

wounds of love

Maybe I will carry my scars into eternity.

Maybe they will remind me of suffering and pain.

But I will never feel the sting of sin again.

and i will look at his beautiful scars

and i will be amazed by his extravagant love